I'm not sure what I'm doing, but I figured I'd start a blog and be an official "blogger".
Well for those of you who know me (and for those who don't why are you reading this in the first place?) know that I have 2 beautiful babies, Aaron and Alexys. Alexys is 14mos old, and Aaron is 3 weeks. And most of you probably also know that their wonderful father kicked us out 2 days before Christmas, when I was 7 mos pregnant. Of course then all the good stuff came out, like the skank he was bopping, and how miserable he had been the whole time we were married , blah blah blah
I have to say, that even though he totally screwed my life up for the moment, it was the best thing he could have done for me. I am SO much happier now, even though I'm broke, can't make my rent or car payment, and am now a single mom.
Okay , on to the kids.
Alexys is a genius , a whiny genius, but a genius none the less. Aaron doesnt do much besides look cute and nurse...nurse...and nurse some more. I think he would be perfectly content to just stay on my boob until he enters college. I'm going back to work next week, and his whole world as he knows it is about to be turned upside down when he is introduced to the "fake" boob, aka the bottle.
I'm scared to go back to work, I dont want to leave my babies, and the fact that I'm leaving them with their father doesnt make it any easier....it actually just scares me more. He doesnt know them like I know them, and I doubt he'll take the time to get to know them. Alexys will be watching lots of tv, and Aaron will be getting a bottle shoved in his mouth every time he lets out a peep. I wont be there to put them to bed, to snuggle on the couch with Alexys when she is getting all sleepy, to nurse my sweet son to sleep, I am going to miss it. I am scared I am going to miss Aarons first real smile, his first attempts at rolling over, the first time he coos. And Alexys...well shes my world and every second without her is going to be agony. But I guess I can be thankful that I have a job, and can put a roof over their heads....even though this is going to be SO hard. Damn him, damn him for doing this to me. One thing I have realized though in these past few months is that I can do it without him, I dont NEED him to take care of my babies....I can do it myself and I will.
